The Day Dream Coach: Daydreaming Makes Me Money!
Posted: Wednesday, September 24, 2008
by Ben Jones
Too-Write!
I was busy at work the other day; you know, daydreaming, when the fire alarm went off. A very annoying and disruptive sound I might add.
However my cat-like reflexes and lightning fast thought processes kicked in to ensure that I was the first to run screaming hysterically down the stairs and out onto the street. I'd been daydreaming about running marathons anyway, which had prepared me nicely for just such an emergency.
I probably don't need to tell you that everyone in the building was very impressed with my reaction time, the intensity with which I could scream and my ability to take stairs five or six at a time.
The truth is I never take chances when it comes to fires, spiders or sales people. Which brings me to what happened while we were all milling about the street; talking about that crazy guy that went running through the offices during what turned out to be a fire drill.
I was hopping very patiently from one foot to another, waiting for someone to reset the alarm so I could casually and confidently rush back up the stairs to the toilet, when a woman approached me.
Now I've got all the time in the world for people, except the kind that want to talk to me about something. Sure enough this opportunistic lady was a sales person looking to bend my ear. More to the point, she was a life coach wanting to sell me on her particular brand of coaching techniques and services.
Being the good sport that I am, I tried to surreptitiously shuffle away from her while refusing to look her in the eye; to no avail. She was wise to the side-step and went with me.
I was a bit confused about why she'd approached me. Obviously I'm already a successful go getter with a positive attitude who inspires all those around him. In fact I literally exude power and confidence because as usual, everyone was standing back and giving me a respectful space on the street. Everyone that is, except this life coach who kept droning on about things I could do to improve myself, like using deodorant.
Well it occurred to me, there are a lot of people out there teaching sales techniques, life coaching, positive personal improvements and other equally useless skills, but there's no one doing what I do. And like a flaming light bulb falling from a burning building, it hit me. I can be a new kind of personal coach. I'm uniquely skilled, the first and only of my kind, in fact you could probably say I am the single, greatest hope of all humanity.
An annoying noise interrupted this revelation and I realized that the woman who had approached me was still talking about personal grooming and hygiene. Talk about a one-track mind.
With a slightly forced smile I let her know that I was already pretty well perfect. This really should have been obvious to someone claiming to be a "life coach". Then I returned my vast and powerful mind to the important task of visualising how my new career would pan out. Yes that's right, I started daydreaming again.
Of course, and as usual, my daydreaming was well suited to the situation for I'd decided that my new career was going to be in the one area I've always excelled; thus I was getting a good head start by daydreaming about being the first ever Day Dream Coach.
Now I've got hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours logged as an experienced and practiced daydreamer. So it seems to me that I'm perfectly suited to coaching others in the ways of personal visualisation; in teaching them the very techniques that I've spent so long mastering myself.
Now I've got hundreds, maybe even thousands of hours logged as an experienced and practiced daydreamer. So it seems to me that I'm perfectly suited to coaching others in the ways of personal visualisation; in teaching them the very techniques that I've spent so long mastering myself.
I don't like to brag, but I'm going to anyway.
When it comes to daydreaming, I'm a level ten Zen master who's gone double diamond with a twist of lemon. Through positive waking visualisations (I day dreamed up that phrase which just shows the power of daydreams) I've saved the world from countless invading aliens, created the most fantastic gastronomical delights, I've been a secret agent and got all the girls, made more money than even I care to image, and generally lived a pretty well rounded and balanced life.
The very least I could do, which is what I'm all about anyway, is help others realize their potential through the power of daydreaming.
Sure, it won't come cheap, but then anything worth doing is worth paying me a lot of money to do.
So if you are like so many other pathetic individuals in this world; without a purposeful life, down-trodden, a complete loser; I urge you to contact me about my powerful and completely safe daydreaming techniques.
These incredible techniques are guaranteed to help you visualise improvements in your life: you'll imagine you are more popular, stronger, taller, maybe even good looking and all for a low introductory price of "a lot of money".
I hear the questions echoing and bouncing around your empty and vacuous mind. Questions like "What if I don't have an imagination?", "Am I such a loser that even you the great Zen master of Day Dreaming himself can't help me?".
Fear not worthless mortal, your powerful and mighty Day Dream Coach has the answers or at least can dream up the answer for you.
However, upon further ruminations, I've decided rather than do something positive for you like teach you to do it yourself (which would take up a lot of my valuable time), the best way to help you is to sell you a three pack of my own tired, half-baked and used up visualisations.
Select from such titles as:
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The time I wrote that song that went to number one on the charts and stayed there for like a thousand years and everyone talked about it because it was easily the greatest song ever written
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The time I not only invented but somehow managed to manufacture all the parts needed to create a time machine and then used it to go back in time to fix everything I thought was ever wrong with history, yet amazingly didn't change the future so drastically that I had never not un-existed.
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Or perhaps my daydream just now where I was able to rewrite that previous sentence making it clear, concise and not needlessly full of double negatives.
So in summary; send me money if either your life lacks meaning or if it doesn't.
While I can't guarantee that I'll immediately (or ever) do anything to help you, I do give you my word, as the first ever Day Dream Coach, that I will immediately start day dreaming about what to do with the money you just sent me, thus furthering my already impressive portfolio of day dreams and increasing my potential earnings exponentially. It's a win/win scenario, both of them for me.
Now let's get to your first daydreaming lesson...
Close your eyes, now open them again so you can continue reading.Relax, breath in and out a few times (it helps keep you alive).Now visualise your hand outstretched while a cool breeze plays across your skin miraculously firming and toning.The clouds above you part and the day brightens.Birds start chirping.Meanwhile the warmth of the sun soaks into your now youthful skin, providing both strength and nourishment that flows up your arm to what was until now a pale and let's face it, scrawny body.Tighten your hand into a fist then open it again and you will immediately feel a strength and purpose you've never known before.
With a child's wonder you can now admire your smooth and revitalised palm.Now imagine that from the sky, on a ray of sunlight, falling like a feather from heaven is a beautiful present replete with ribbon and card. It slowly glides and settles down upon your outstreched hand.You open the card to find in bold letters the entire meaning to life and the universe.
It reads: Congratulations! You've just received your first three pack of daydreams from your official Day Dream Coach. Use them wisely and enjoy! P.S. Send me more money!
Now you see how worthwhile, important and valuable it is to send me the tiny pittance of an investment which will be barely equivalent to the mortgage on your home. Right?
I'll just imagine you said "YES!". Another happy customer!
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)hi ben,very witty article, and very entertaining. your mind is very sharp and you have a pleasant personality that comes through your articles. thanks for sharing,my best,sueHi Sue,Thanks for your kind comment and for the nice observation. As for the sharp mind, well it depends which half of othe day you catch me in *smile*.Have a great day,Ben.
Hi Ben.Well that was a load of....fun! I love your sense of humor. What!? You were being serious?Your daydreams are way better than mine.Thanks,DianneHi Dianne,Thanks for your comment on my article. I'm always serious about the big issues, you know, breakfast cereals, shampoo and daydreams.In fact it sounds like you need a day dream coach. How many of my three packs should I mark you down for...?Have a great day,Ben.
you are a VERY funny man. loved the piece...made me laugh out loud. bravo!Hi Camille,Thanks for your comment.So you're the one that laughed at my article! *grin*Have a great day,Ben.
Bravo Ben--What they said x's two!!
Hi Ben, me again. after careful consideration, I believe you are the kind of coach I need. I'll be putting my check in the mail to you ASAP. Thank you for making your services available to those of us who are in desparate need of assistance. Send me two sets of three pack's please. I could use a six-pack right about now. Signed, an absolute dream of a gal.Hi Teresa,You are one smart cookie. How did you know that the best daydreaming is generally done with a six-pack? I can see I'm going to have to be on my toes to be your day dream coach.But good news. I've pulled out some especially lame, err I mean interesting day dreams from my collection, just for you. Just like your check, they're in the mail. :)Have a great day,Ben.
Hi Ben,Thanks for the laugh, you've brightened my day! I too am a master daydreamer, only it usually happens when I'm driving (how did I get here?) or riding my bike (causing me to go off the road and hit a tree! Yup, thankfully only once!)And thanks for commenting on my article too!Hi Val,
Thanks for your comment on my article. Hitting the tree sounds a little scary, but at least you were having fun while you did it, and hey, you can always day dream it into a cool action movie later. Were you riding a push bike or a motor bike?Have a great day,Ben.A push bike:)Oh dear, that's far to active, you'll never attain a zenlike state if you're constantly in motion. The real key to attaining inner peace is to be a lazy slob. But don't tell everyone, we need some people to keep working hard or the economy will stall and fail.Uh oh, I think I typed that a bit loudly, my secret might be out of the bag....
Hey Ben ~ since I've already commented on this piece, I don't suppose I need to again...but since it showed up in the 'reader's club' thing, I'm scoring it again.Keep 'em coming!Hi Camille,Thanks for visiting again. Three visits and you get some apple pie. Ok I lied, you get to daydream about apple pie. In fact I'm daydreaming about pie right now... it's actually not as satisfying as I would have expected because it's making me hungry!If only I wasn't such a brilliantly talented day dream coach, I'd get off this seat and do something about it, but that's just not where my talents lie.Have a great day,
Ben.
A daydreaming coach. Ya know, I bet people really would pay for your services. Have you put your ad on ebay yet? Loved the article, Ben, but then, I always enjoy what you write.Hi Lorrie,Thanks for your comment on my article and for the tip about ebay. Now why didn't I think of that? Oh yeah, I was busy daydreaming... :)Have a great day,Ben.
Hi Ben,I must say that you do have an imagination, and a good sense of humor. You would have to, to write an article like this one.KathyHi Kathy,Thanks for your comment on my article. To be honest, anyone could achieve this Zenlike active imagination if they just put the hard yards in on the couch like I do. :)Have a great day,Ben.
Hey Ben, I'm so glad I came across your article. I was so afraid my son would never amount to anything because he just lays around all day staring off into space. I was convinced he was just about the laziest child on the planet and when I would ask him what he was doing he would say that he was just day dreaming.I'm afraid I may have interpreted this as an excuse to be a bum and get out of doing any thing constructive, but I now see that he is preparing for the future and everything will be just fine.Do you offer any type of apprentiship program I could get him involved with or do you think he is already on the right track to becoming a day dream coach? I mean he really is very inactive and sometimes talks to people who aren't really there. Thanks for any advice you may have offer. lolHi Myla,I would have responded to your comment earlier but I was busy attaining a zenlike state of inner peace - you know, being a lazy slob.I have great news for you, your son sounds like a real winner so of course I'd be happy to take him under my wing. To be honest, he's obviously far more advanced than most of the apprentices I take on, however as there's an incredibly huge amount of money involved I'll make an exception.The first important tip that I'd like to impart is that you should keep interrupting his day dreams because only a truely focused and driven individual has the fortitude not to mention aptitude to continue day dreaming in the face of interruptitis annoytis. It took me a long time to find that calm and peaceful place whenever my wife would open her mouth. Finally, however, after a small amount of searching and very little practice, I've found the true peace that all husbands crave.With persistence, a healthy diet of pizza and beer and many long hours spent in front of the television, your son too, could become a master Day Dream coach like myself. Rest easy in the knowledge that your son is unique, talented and destined for greatness.Now it's back to the couch for me (work never stops),Ben.
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