Should Men Be Helping With Housework and Child Care?
Posted: Saturday, September 06, 2008
by Ben Jones
Too-Write!
Absolutely not!
We are men, made to hunt, made from sterner stuff. Ours is the job of protecting, surviving and of course ruling aristocratically. Ask any man. Well, any man not in the company of a woman. You know the answer. It's instinctual.
I may not be politically correct, in fact I'm not political at all; I'm just correct.
Now that I've told it like it is, and sufficiently bolstered my male ego, I'll quickly get to the point before my wife catches me at the computer rather than scrubbing the floors like she told me to do. Sorry dear!
In fact a recent report by the Council on Contemporary Families shows that men are actually getting better at cleaning up after themselves, helping around the house and looking after the kids. While we're not necessarily doing 50% of the household duties or looking after the kids as much as mothers tend to, we are definitely improving and compared to our father's generation, we're down right progressive.
The report suggests that men's contribution to housework has as much as doubled in the past four decades and we have tripled the time we spend on child care in the same period.
Of course, and rather suprisingly, the amount of nagging we endure has not reduced correspondingly. In fact there are many men who would suggest that the nagging has increased. We've shown weakness and the women have moved in for the kill.
It makes you wonder if our fathers actually had it right. Sitting on their ever expanding butts, as meals, snacks, beer and chips are brought forth from the little woman's area. Watching TV as the housework, kids, dog and life goes by around them.
Oh what a life! At least for a day...
But to be honest, I couldn't imagine being one of those old fashioned dads that gets home from work and expects the children clean and quiet, to be seen but not heard, the house tidy and dinner on the table.
I revel in getting down on the floor with my son and playing the games I know he loves, knowing which teddy is his favourite, what each new sound he makes means, anticipating his moods and marvelling at each new accomplishment. Dare I say it, I even enjoy changing him (please don't tell my wife!), because it is more bonding time for dad.
Best of all I love to learn all the wonderful little idiosyncrasies that make him who he is. Our fathers and their fathers before them missed out on some of the true wonders of life; and while I might momentarily envy them the comfy throne, servile wife and the right to be a gruff authoritarian, I wouldn't trade places with them for all the tea in
Now about that housework: When you say the floors need to be clean enough to eat off, we're talking about the dog eating off them right?? If so, another job well done!
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Top-level comments on this article: (10 total)Great article, Ben--although, I must say you had me worried there in the beginning; but, you made a great save! My husband is a wonderful man who helps with the cooking, cleaning, and anything that he can do reasonably well. Although, his cleaning skills are slipping--we have a new dishwasher and he hasn't picked up the agility to fill it properly. I do make allowances for that, though, because we have a new coffemaker that I haven't learned to control--so we make up the differences that way. Ha.Best wishes.SandraHi Sandra,Thanks for your comment on my article. I'm glad I managed to claw my way back into the good graces. According to my wife I was on the brink of no return. It's good to hear your husband pulls up the sleaves to help out as well. Though I did note your qualifier "anything that he can do reasonably well". It seems us poor men folk are eternally doomed to fall slightly short of the quality mark set by our better halves. We can but try... :)Regards,Ben.
I once had the great pleasure of dating a man who had initiative.In all the time we were together I never needed to ask for his help, it was offered when he saw it was required and when it was not.Nagging is something that only occurs with guys who don't have any initiative and sit on their butts while the woman flies around them putting up curtain poles, juggling the coats and shoes of 5 kids and answering the phone at the same time.I thank my stars for men who were born with consideration and initiative. That's the type of man I want to spend my life with! ;)Guys who help under duress...after being nagged...not so much. Having to nag is not a pleasure it's a strain and very unwelcome not just by the man but by the woman too.It's good to hear you like doing your share around the home and with the kids.Hi Creative,Thanks for your comment on my article. So you dated a man with initiative? Seriously? He wasn't a woman pretending to be a man or something?But all joking aside, the home and kids are family domain, a little quiet (well sometimes) place away from the rest of the world that we have to ourselves, it's the families responsibility to help keep clean and nice for everyone to enjoy.
Oh and nagging isn't always just a reaction, sometimes it's a habit. Like anything else, we need to catch ourselves when we are being critical of others, especially those close to us and work out if it is justified or not or if we can approach the subject in another way.Cheers,Ben.Well, he was very effiminate, so yes he was in touch with his feminine side! :)
It was nice though......
I have also been with a guy who was obsessive about housework and that to be honest is worse. You can't relax when everything has to be prim and perfect all the time.
My friend once had a partner who used to comb the carpet pile once she sat down and again after she'd got up. Now that is obsessive!
Meanwhile yes nagging can be a habit but for me I hate having to ask for someone to pull their own weight it's tiring. But I have 'nagged' and been 'nagged' and I suppose it's just part of life. :)
Ben,Excellent article. I cherished every moment that I had with my children, attending all of their events, etc. I certainly played out a different role from what my Dad did, but I never regretted my involvement in helping my wife and kids for a moment. Now it's on to the grandkids! Thank you.Hi James,Thanks for your comment on my article. I think the winds of change are sweeping through the ranks of us menfolk, mostly for the better. I'm really glad to hear that you were able to cherish those times with your children (good job!) and I too look forward to being a grandfather one of these days (hopefully not for some time yet though).Cheers,Ben.
ps. why do men still think of doing their share around the house as 'helping the wife'?When I was married ( and before having children) my husband and I both worked full time and in the evening and weekends all chores were shared as it was acknowledged we were jointly responsible. We both 'helped' maintain our home.It wasn't my job anymore than it was his, it was OURS.The generation that came before will always leave an imprint on those that follow. It's the same reason that men find it hard to express their feelings, to cry openly, to hug their children and wife in public. I'm speaking in general not specific terms. Men and of course women in other ways, often feel bound by the social formative dictates they grew up with and that were instilled in them by those that came before.
Over time, these restrictive walls will come down, and have been doing so for some time, but it's a slow and gradual process. Up until a very short time ago (historically speaking) the house was the woman's domain and if the man did something then he was helping rather than doing.I think the best way forward is to focus on the positives and applaud the great leaps forward that we are making together because in such a short amount of time, they really are a revolution. Sure don't ignore the negatives, but be constructive about how you present them, and hubby might just take the comments on board.It sounds like you had a progressive fellow and hopfully he will help to shape the next generation and continue the change.I agree, all things come with time. Change is already afoot, men now spend twice as long in the bathroom as women ;) I jest. Some changes aren't welcome. lolCreative Blogger,Your sarcastic comment was not very nice. I think that you are the one who has talked about stereotypical roles of men and women and how women can't be equal because of their workload. I believe you said that this injustice may lead to infidelity or all sorts of God awful problems. If you were to ask my wife, she would tell you that in many ways she has supported me over the years. Yes, I do things FOR my wife, and indeed she does things FOR me. Don't take things out of context!James, I was not being sarcastic and I was not responding to your post, it was a continuation of my own. I never even read your comment when I was typing mine.
Hi Ben,If I didn't know how hard you work at home, as well as at work, I would have worried at the start of this article! Your sense of humour shines as bright as ever. Great read. Thoroughly enjoyed it.Cheers, HannahHi Hannah,Thanks for your feedback on my article. And it's only hard work if you don't enjoy it. Since I love looking after my son, playing with him, cooking for him and all those other things we parents do for our kids, that only leaves housework that I grudgingly suffer through. Not that big a deal really. :)Cheers,Ben.
Excellent article Ben!I definitely appreciate all that my husband does around the house and with the children and grandchildren. I think the male ego has deminished quite a bit since I was a little girl. Of course that was only a few short years ago. I have to admit, your beginning grabbed my attention and immediately took me back to my childhood.God bless,Hi Michelle,Thanks for your comment on my article. Your husband sounds like a good guy; one of those keepers. :)Kind Regards,Ben.Definitely! My husband is a blessing. Well have a good day and it is off to work I go.God bless
Hi Ben! Love your sense of humor--your article ended abrubtly, your wife must walked in :-)Kudos to you for being a wonderful husband and father. I must confess, my husband is a better housekeeper than I am and I have never once mowed the lawn. (I think its because he is afraid I might hurt myself. He is probably right.Great article!!Yeah, Ben, I agree with Teresa. Should we be expecting to see an article from your wife soon?I enjoyed this thoroughly.Hi Lorrie,Now don't scare me with talk like that, I could only imagine what she'd have to say. *grin*.Regards,Ben.Hi Teresa,Thanks for your comment on my article. Actually I had to rush off to admire a very impressive tower of blocks my son had made. As usual, the instant he was sure I'd seen and shown sufficient interest in his engineering feats, it was time to knock it all down in what could only be described as a wonderfully big mess.Cheers,Ben.
Hi Ben,Really enjoyed your article! I just wanted to give you some information you may not be aware of. I belong to the MWDRWHOATH society (men who develop rashes when helping out around the house), and while the American Medical Association doesn't acknowledge MWDRWHOATH as an authentic medical condition (neither does my wife), I personally know of three other men who complain of similar reactions whenever they attempt to role up their shelves and help out around the house. So I would make the argument that a subset of men (myself included) should be medically cleared from having to do certain domestic tasks (for the record, my wife doesn't support this position). Until that medical clearance is given, I'll continue to live with my rashes and do my share.Good job,RichHi Rich,I wish I'd known about this afflication sooner. I'm one of those poor tragic souls who's gone through life assuming these horrible symtoms like body odour, rashes, scrapes and aches were because of all the hard work I was doing while carrying out housework. I just can't tell you the sense of relief knowing that it's actually a documented medical condition and that I am in fact just allergic to housework. More than this, knowing I'm not the only one, that there are others suffering through this horrible melody as well, helps me come to terms with it all.Just a quick question, am I right in assuming the only medically proven treatment is beer and lots and lots of couch rest?Cheers to your very good health,Ben.
hi ben,did you get enough comments? :)if a man, or a woman, decides they aren't going to carry their weight, which is actually responsibility, there will be problems on down the road. respect is the key. in our house we have a saying, there are 3 of us left, and everything is to be eaten, knowing there are 2 other people who would also like to have ice cream, or cookies, so don't take more that your share.we all have our jobs to do, and when all are done, everything looks nice.men who get to spend time with their children should look at it as the Blessing it is, and not a chore, right?it is something to be cherished and remembered, and you are, and you will.good for you. (and your wife :)great article.enjoy everything, even housework,my best,sueHi Sue,Thanks for your comment on my article. Yes, there's been a few comments on this one, appreciate them all, and of course the different perspectives, points of view and humorous additions from other people.I'll try to enjoy the housework more :)Cheers,Ben.
My boyfriend works and I don't, but I still do have an income. So I am able to help with some of the bills. He claims that because he works he shouldn't have to do a thing at home. His 15 year old niece lives with us and he treats her like his own personal slave. Today he spilled his pop and told her to clean it up. I asked him why he didn't clean it and he said he didn't feel like it. So he finally wiped up a little spot and threw away a paper that got wet. There was still pop all over and more wet papers. He went in the bedroom and laid down and his niece ended up cleaning it. I told him it upset me he couldn't clean up his own mess and he said, "it doesn't matter now. It's cleaned up isn't it." I told her he needed to thank her. He did, but you could tell he was only saying it cuz I told him to. She does everything for him and he never says please or thank you. I also do housework and he doesn't appreciate me either. I could go on and on bout things his niece and I have to do, but It would take an hour. I love him and I realize he does work, but there are some things he should be doing himself.
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