Crazy eBay auctions and my weird eBay experiment.

My Actual eBay Auction Description:

Great news!!

I have an ant colony in my backyard. Yes you heard me right, a real live ant colony.  

And after some high level negotiations, the odd temper tantrum, a couple of well placed size 10 shoes, followed by some rather hurried and delicate diplomacy, my ants and I have come to an agreement. They're not going to step on me with their oversized shoes anymore and for the first time ever, anywhere in the world, maybe even the whole universe; you can sponsor an individual ant within a colony. Don't blame me, it was mostly their idea. 

Please note the ants were unhappy with my suggestion of stuffing them into envelopes and posting them around the globe. Instead, you are sponsoring a specific ant in the colony with food, education and infrastructural improvements. I will deposit scraps of food near the colony, read poetry to them, do math for them, and erect a storm cover to protect the colony from torrential rains (picture a stick holding up one side of a frisbee).

It gets better!

You will be sent a certificate of sponsorship which includes: Name of your ant, colony ID number, job description and individual details including dislikes and likes, personality traits, tasty facts and much more. Remember, the more ants that are sponsored the more additional food will be provided to the colony, and who knows we might even drill a well or two. Believe me, you can make an almost insignificant difference to their struggling community and forever slightly change the life of your ant. Act now, before it's too late. 

But wait, there's more! By sponsoring ants from the colony in my backyard, you'll also have the opportunity to learn about your ant, what they do day to day, who they like, which other ants they find a pain in the abdomen and a few surprising facts you might not have realized. Each ant has its own individual personality, habits and traits, the sooner you sponsor your ant the sooner you'll fall in love with them. 

Each ant is completely unique and will only be sponsored by one person so get in quick there's only a couple million left! If you want to sponsor more than one ant, that's fine just don't be too greedy as others might miss out!

Please note you are bidding on a certificate and not the actual ant. No ants will be posted, harmed, chemically enhanced or tricked into entering envelopes during the course of this auction. Upon winning the auction you will be sent your certificate and randomly allocated one of the ants in the colony. Here's just a small list of some of the fine candidates available: 

• Name: Chuck

         Job description: Cleaner

         Personality: Gruff but with a heart of gold

         Likes: Working out, long marches, picnics by the sea

         Dislikes: Ham radios, chalk, small banter

         Favourite Quote: "An ant on the move does more than a dozing ox"

         Colony ID: 2734421

• Name: Wendy

         Job description: Queen – Domestic duties

         Personality: Hedonistic

         Likes: Being fed and pampered, gossiping about other ants, tea parties

         Dislikes: Ant eaters, menial tasks, floods and droughts

         Favourite Quote: "One so loves the taste of honey in the morning"

         Colony ID: 0000001

• Name: Patter

         Job description: Scout

         Personality: Nervous and skittish

         Likes: Running fast, collecting rocks, late night snacks 

         Dislikes: Pantaloons, loud noises, making decisions

         Favourite Quote: "Just because I'm paranoid, doesn't mean they're not out to get me!"
         Colony ID: 0300212

• Name: Tipsy

         Job description: Brood tending

         Personality: Boorish matron

         Likes: The sweet taste of nectar, orderly conduct, lecturing other ants

         Dislikes: Loud music, brood tending, Antwerp

         Favourite Quote: "You can never have to many ants!"

         Colony ID: 0035007

• Name: Grant

         Job description: Supervisor

         Personality: Work-a-holic

         Likes: Efficiency, secretly writing poetry, yearly ant evaluations

         Dislikes: Elephants, floods, harsh poetic critiques

         Quote: "…a creature of great industry, drags with its mouth whatever it can, and adds it to the heap which she is piling up, not unaware nor careless of the future."

         Colony ID: 2838776

 

And lots more available: sponsor an ant today and make very little difference to the overall scheme of things.

 

Interesting information about our ant friends:

• The average ant can lift between 25 to 50 times its own weight. (That's like you lifting a car above your head)
• The average ant can pull 15 to 30 times its own weight. (Try putting 20 of your friends on a rug and start dragging them around the room)
• It's commonly believed that ants will not cross a chalk line. (Many people believe this to be true of baking soda as well)
• All ants are social, live in colonies and generally get along with others of the colony (bar the odd exception like Grant and Jerby).

How they help the environment:

"World wide, ants are one of the most important predators on small invertebrates, including other insects. Leafcutting ants in the American tropics are the most important herbivores (plant consumers), outranking grazing mammals. In many ecosystems, ants are important dispersers of the seeds that they harvest and many plants rely on them to propagate. In desert regions, they are one of the principle consumers of seeds. Wherever ants live, they turn over and aerate the soil as much or more than earthworms…"

Source: http://insected.arizona.edu/antinfo.htm

Now who wouldn't want to sponsor one of these adorable little creatures? Get bidding, before you miss out! 

» left by Michelle Mackin

3 years 159 days ago.
96 fans.

Hi Ben,

 

Thanks for the laugh! I have always wondered why people would waste money on things that were strange and of no use, but now I don't have to ask...they just will!! I think it was great that you sent the money to the animal shelter. Way to go! Maybe next auction you could sell sponsorships for bees or something.

 

God bless

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Michelle,

Thanks for your comment on my article. You're right, I could sell bees, their honey, heck I could probably even provide some old fashioned, new age Chinese cures with bee stings. Just don't tell the bees that they can only sting once and then it's curtains!

Cheers,
Ben.

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» left by Sandra E. Graham

3 years 159 days ago.
247 fans.

Great article, Ben. Wonderfully well-written. Glad to get a little insight into E-bay. I've never tried to sell anything there, but have bought a few things--alas, I missed your ant farm sponsorship--maybe next time.

 

Sandra

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Sandra,

Thanks for your comment on my article. It sure is a crazy world, but then that's what makes it interesting. Have you bought anything really odd from eBay or still waiting for that corn flake that looks like a rice bubble but tastes like puffed wheat?

Take care,
Ben.

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» left by Debbie Roman

3 years 158 days ago.
4 fans.

Ben,

 

It's scary! I too have come up with some crazy things to auction on EBay. I just didn't follow through. You have inspired me. As soon as I stop laughing I will get to work on my auction.

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Debbie, love to know what ideas you came up with for eBay. If you don't post some crazy auctions, let me know and I'll check them out.

Oh and one tip, eBay will remove any listing where you don't actually post something. That's why I was selling sponsorship certificates, and why I posted off the invisible dogs collar along with the invisible dog. Don't worry, I poked a few air holes in the packaging for him and included an invisible bone!

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» left by Ryan Stroud

3 years 158 days ago.
27 fans.

Too Cool!

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Thanks Ryan. :)

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» left by sue thom

from nj 3 years 158 days ago.

hi ben,

 

you have a great and might i say, "over imagination?" :)

 

it almost saddens me that people will do these crazy things.

 

i sold my 3 kids, but they were sent back :) never thought of ants!

 

well written, interesting, and funny article, with lots of imagination,

 

best regards,

 

sue

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Sue,

Thanks for your comment on my article. Sorry to hear your kids came back, perhaps you need to include conditions of purchase; no returns and no store credit! :)

Regards,
Ben.

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» left by Ieuan Dolby

3 years 157 days ago.
10 fans.

Ben! You certainly have got me to thinking! Last year I left a wooden board against the outside of the house and for some reason (temperature differential I think) a million slugs and snails sought shelter. Great for me as I just shoveled them up and threw them into the garden bin - normally they eat everything! Had I been more enterprising I could have frozen them and sold them as fast-food on ebay, pets for the elderly, weedkillers or cinema snacks but I was not quick enough off the mark!

 

I have though been suffering from mould on the walls, a roof leak that the builder never quite seems to find (keeps him employed). I am now thinking of scraping this off and selling it as 'live-decor' for those who wish to live with the earth!

 

Will see how it goes!

 

Thanks for an entertaining article!

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 156 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Ieuan,

Thanks for the comment on my article.

Live decor? Are you kidding me? That's exactly what I've been looking for all these years. Communing with nature, being one with the mould. In fact that's the reason I stopped showering and why I no longer brush my teeth. Of course I probably don't have to tell you the other benefit of that;  I've been pawning my teeth to the tooth fairy for some rather serious graft.

Ok back to eBay, I'm bidding on a manually powered blender (scissors) so I can start eating steak again.

Cheers,
Ben.

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» left by James

3 years 155 days ago.

A good fun read!

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» left by Hannah

from Australia 3 years 153 days ago.

Since you are about to corner the market on toe jam, I have some interesting blue belly buzz I could sell, and then there's the slice of toast my youngest shoved into the VCR years ago and has some fascinating markings on it - could be interpreted in multiple ways - and yes, I am sentimental but after more than 20 years I should probably 'share' it with the world! Oh, I'm simply buzzing with ideas after reading your article. And here comes my dog with the most amazing flea circus on his back!

 

Now, if I could just get up off the floor where I am rolling laughing, I might start getting rich!

Great article! Hannah

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» left by Ben Jones 3 years 152 days ago.
71 fans.

Hi Hannah,

 

Thanks for your comment on my article and for sharing all the great things you've got available to sell on eBay. It sounds like you've got a pot of gold in that lot, and should you ever actually want to sell a pot of gold, I've got a half of a $5.00 note I found stuck to my shoe (it's a one of a kind, completely unique and certainly worth it's weight in gold!)

 

Cheers,

Ben.

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» left by Rikki

from PA 3 years 122 days ago.

Of all the crazy things! Sponsoring an ant is hilarious. I love ebay and all its interesting auctions. I'm currently auctioning my fiance's well worn shoes. Talk about nasty. I've been threatening to do that for some time now. I figured if everyone else is making some money, why not me? Keep the crazies coming! Rikki

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» left by Ben Jones 2 years 281 days ago.
71 fans.

Thanks for your comment Rikki. Your auction sounded like a bit of payback mixed in with good humour. How'd it go, or did your fiance bid on and win them himself? :)

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