No One Should Die Alone! The Dark Visitor: A Poem
Posted: Tuesday, February 05, 2008
by Ben Jones
Too-Write!
The Dark Visitor
His face is a time-piece,
his life is a book
But the pages lie darkened,
for there's no-one to look
At times he was happy,
at times even glad
But now all of his memories,
to a one; they are sad
Yet still he breathes in,
and still he breathes out
As he fights for each breathe,
and death hangs about
He hurts with each movement,
and gets no relief
Still he refuses surrender,
and fights for surcease
Not one person visits
or asks after him
As he struggles on vainly,
in a fight he can't win
Finally a shadow -
begins to encroach
And a hooded dark servant -
prepares his dark coach
A breeze softly rises
There's a scent on the air
Though his eyes do not see,
he knows death is there
His heart starts to race
as his breathe; it turns sour
He knows he'll have passed,
within this; his last hour
The figure moves closer,
and bends to its task
As the old man lies dying,
alone in the dark
With a final defiance,
he raises his fist
Then he dies in his bed,
for no one to miss.
His face is a time-piece,
his life is a book
But the pages lie darkened,
for there's no-one to look
At times he was happy,
at times even glad
But now all of his memories,
to a one; they are sad
Yet still he breathes in,
and still he breathes out
As he fights for each breathe,
and death hangs about
and gets no relief
Still he refuses surrender,
and fights for surcease
Not one person visits
or asks after him
As he struggles on vainly,
in a fight he can't win
Finally a shadow -
begins to encroach
And a hooded dark servant -
prepares his dark coach
A breeze softly rises
There's a scent on the air
Though his eyes do not see,
he knows death is there
His heart starts to race
as his breathe; it turns sour
He knows he'll have passed,
within this; his last hour
The figure moves closer,
and bends to its task
As the old man lies dying,
alone in the dark
With a final defiance,
he raises his fist
Then he dies in his bed,
for no one to miss.
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Top-level comments on this article: (5 total)Ben, Excellently done. Very powerful piece. Thanks.Thanks James :)
hi ben, this was an excellently written piece, i think, and very sad. makes one think about mortality, and just how simple the crossover is from life to death. we anticipate it as this huge revelation, and it's just a breathe, and then not! wonderful job, best regards, sue thomHi Sue, Thanks for your kind comments. I was trying hard to create the feeling of his laboured breathing and used short rapid combinations of words and lines as his heart began racing. Not sure how effective it was but was interesting and fun to do. Regards, Ben.
Well done Ben! This poem brought back some memories for me, good ones and sad ones. Very powerful. Cheers, BobbyHi Bobby,Thanks for your comment on my poem. I completely missed it when you left it all those moons ago, sorry about that. :)Have a great day,Ben.
Nice and effective rhythms, Ben. It's nice to experience the use of this emotional writing tool because it's rythmic beauty is most of the time, felt through the vibration of the written word itself. I can feel that with your piece.This process is even more evident when... this actual piece is read aloud.
Very nice, bravo
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